Thursday, August 6, 2009

RollerConsolation 2009

What do you get when you get skaters from all over New England together in Manchester's JFK Coliseum who couldn't attend the Vegas throwdown which is RollerCon? You get RollerConsolation!


I arrived at the arena with veteran Nutcrackers Dreadnought and Malicen Thunderland. As we walked through the door, we could feel the heat of derby enthusiasm. That, and the night crippling humidity of a forty-year-old hockey arena in the summer. Check-in was simple, and the setup of the track, announcing booth, and vendor tables took no time at all. The ladies of NHRD are efficient, inviting, and the consummate hostesses.

My cohorts in the announcing circle were New Hampshire's Adam Furious and the immortal Reverend Al Mighty. The Rev is a flashy, charismatic showman whose love of this game is apparent. He's sort of the David Lee Roth of announcing without being a douche. Perhaps I'm man-crushing on him, but as Philzie has banned me from motorcycle rides forever, I have have no choice but to celebrate the Reverend Al. As for Adam Furious, he's a Rock 101 jack-of-all-trades and had a good presence on the mike, really engaged the crowd, and is picking up the game with a speed that's impressive. But it's not about us, it's about the ladies out there tearing up the track so much NASCAR.

RollerConsolation began with a bang. My brain's still swimming from the amount of plays, names, and hits that I will give you highlights...perfect for those with short attention spans.

  • After one of the best National Anthem performances I have ever heard, we introduced the first game, which took a page from the geek-fantasy show "Deadliest Warrior" by pitting Team Pirate vs. Team Ninja. The Pirates made a good run of it, but the stealthy jammers of the Ninjas, paired up with a wall of blockers in black, made short work of the buccaneers. (INSERT PUNS) In this case, despite some fantastic jams, the Ninjas won the bout with 50 points to the Pirates' 24.
  • The first half-time had Brockton's Dead Eye Records giving us the first hip hop event I've seen for Derby yet. The PA wasn't up to snuff on this one, and I think a lot of people missed out on hearing these really tight performers bring it from Brockton to New Hampshire.
  • Watching Killary Clinton face off against Mrs. Dash. These two Cosmonaughties were NO JOKE on the jamming line. It was speed vs. speed the whole way, and it was entertaining as hell to watch. Also, Melanie M. Falcon taking on the MakeOut Bandit? What!
  • The high impact blockers in the Death vs. Taxes match blew away. You cannot go wrong when you have Zoomz Byda Boomz, Etta Maims and Empress Explosiva on your line. Amazing plays with HeLLen Bed from CMRD and the ladies of Death kept Taxes from slaughtering them, but in the end, the score was Taxes 52 to Death 46.
  • Dreadnought of BDD nearly killed the referee Woody Yankabitch when she slid to the outside. He enjoys the abuse, however.
  • Getting to see Hit N' Run Pauline and Rhoda Perdition from Providence play against each other. In the last jam of Water vs. Fire, the two of them switched off going to the penalty box. In reality, I believe that they were collecting penalties just to check in with each other. Final Score: Fire 23 Water 55

Each of these mini-games brought the ladies of New England together, sharing their mutual love of the sport and each other. NHRD should continue to throw this event every year to remind New England what derby is all about: fun.

Until next time,

Pelvis Costello

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