Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Champing at the bit for a Championship recount? Part I: Getting there

It's been a week since Gotham brought the Hydra back to the East Coast in a phenomenal game against Oly. People from around the world tuned into derbyaccess.com to see the best in our sport compete in action that brought us more highlights than a Project Runway reunion special. Is Hymen Heaven our Tim Gunn? She does have that calm, fashion sense, and "concerns" that mark her as a wise guru of sorts. And I hear men and women want to marry her all the time, just like Tim Gunn. So, yeah. Let's just get into it.

I arrived late to Denver International Airport, worried that I would not get to my Super Shuttle on time. Dee Stortion,  Bad Ass Momma, and I wandered through the airport looking for our respectful modes of transportation. A helpful clerk directed me outside to the shuttle's pickup spot. Now, I had checked and re-checked my itinerary before I started my trip. The shuttle should have taken me to the Comfort Suites where I was staying with Draggin Lady. I arrived at the Comfort Inn in Westminster and was told to get out. The main doors of the motel were locked. Through an intercom I heard, "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I'm here to check in."

"Name?"

"It's under ____."

I was buzzed in where a nice, if strange woman told me that there was no one there by Draggin's name. Under the flickering fluorescent lights of the lobby, I was told to call the other Comfort Suites in the area. I did so. Yup.  I was in the wrong place. Instead of the almost-posh Comfort Suites, I was in the bastard hybrid of the movie Hostel and Roadhouse, The Murder Comfort Inn.

"Welcome, Pelvis! I'm the voice of a dead clown."
Draggin Lady was nice enough to pick me up and bring me to the real hotel where there was a pool, hottub, and a concierge who loved watching Chelsea Handler on the lobby television and cackling like a methed-up witch.

Bob Ross vs. Postal Meth Witch
Wait, an Image Search for "meth witch" had results that were exactly what I typed? The hell?

Our room was pretty sweet. Draggin and Rainman of Rose City allowed me to have my own bed and I passed out quickly with dreams of the competition bouncing around in my skull. I woke up two hours before my roommates, showered and got a coffee before we headed out.

On the way to the venue, I marveled at the landscape. Giant mountains in the distance, sprawling strip malls in the forefront. Is this heaven? The store names, thankfully, showed that people around here had a sense of humor. "Pho China," "Just a Noodle Shop," and a gaming store that I believe was named "Basement Hobbies." I might not accurately recall the last one, but "Pho China?" That's really there. People dress different, too. We pulled alongside a woman who really understood color coordination.

Color Coordination
Same shade of car, coat, frames for her glasses, and the College sticker on her rear windshield. Wacky.


I was no longer in New England. I had come to a place where primary colors meant everything. It was Aldous Huxley's Brave New World only with tumbleweeds and really dry air.

In the posts ahead: Ego! Dancing! The perils of Denver bartenders pouring really strong drinks! And COWBOYS!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

On my way

Here we are at the beginning of my trip to beautiful Denver, Colorado to take part in the WFTDA's 2011 Championship Tournament or as it's known to the hip, swanky internet kids:



Three days in the suburbs of a town filled with fun, friends, and competing skaters. But first, I have to get there. I'm currently in Logan Airport, waiting to board my flight and travel through space and time to arrive a mere three hours after I take off. The ride will only take 5 hours or so. How did Doc Brown get a DeLorean to break this barrier at 88mph when a plane can go far faster, but only go back a few hours into the past?

Flying without Dread is a mixed bag. While her fear of flight makes the actual plane ride a chore, she often distracts me at the terminal gates so I don't eavesdrop on the some of the absolute mundane  conversations this side of a moms' lunch out at the local kid-friendly restaurant.

Damn, woman. You know way too much about ABC's comedy lineup. That's a fact.

My ability to keep from laughing aloud or sighing like twelve-year-old girl aside, I am jazzed as hell to get my ass to Denver. Last year, our trip to the Windy City was absolutely magical. Walking with Dumptruck and Lady O down the streets of Chicago at three in the morning, with DT in an old Dairyland Dolls uniform/dress, was one of the highlights of the weekend. That and never going to bed. This time around, it's a bit more business than pleasure, but I'm sure I'll get in some dancing. Of all the activities I can do on a big trip like this, that seems the least likely to adversely effect my performance.

I'm starting tomorrow's festivities on the House Mic with John Maddening and Dill Hero, which should be a great time. After that, look for me on derbyaccess.com throughout the day for interviews before Mike Chexx and I call Philly vs. Naptown for the internet at 7:15 Mountain time. That is , if the games start on time...which may not happen, but who cares? There is so much to see.

My goals for the weekend:
  1. Call the best games imaginable.
  2. Get Prissassin her shirt.
  3. Ger patches for Dread.
  4. Take photos like nuts.
  5. Kick a lot of hiney.
  6. Catch up with some people I rarely get to see.
Hm. Those seem as pedestrian as one of my fellow travelers' explanation of the ABC series "The Middle," which I just googled. Is this a "Scrubs" spinoff? I see the janitor. Anyway, what do you want to see? What pictures or features might you, the reader wish for me to put up here?

Monday, November 7, 2011

Getting ready

I leave for Championships in three days. Continental Divide and Conquer is looking to be the event of 2011. While the World Cup is just weeks after that, it's clear that what the top teams of WFTDA have been training for all year to win the coveted Hyrda and bring it home.

And I get to bring it to you live, thanks to New Hampshire Roller Derby and everyone who made this happen:
Thank you!

Over the past month, I've been studying rosters, watching games, and writing up a storm on unrelated projects. Has there been time for family? A bit. But Goblin seems to be aware that I'm leaving again and has begun to impersonate a diabetic iguana to show her subtle disapproval.

I just wish she'd talk to me.

Because of my sheer gratitude, I'll be blogging on the trip, letting you know what's up. You're a fantastic group, readers and benefactors. I love you.